Thursday, July 12, 2007

It's Immoral To Let A Sucker Keep His Money

With the 2007 World Series of Poker upon us, thousands of people have headed to Vegas. Their goal? To try and claim the coveted bracelet given to the winnners, not to mention the $8.7 million that goes along with it.

The WSOP didn't have much of a mainstream audience until ESPN started showing it. All of a sudden, poker exploded onto the scene, and anybody with an internet connection could learn how to play. Still, poker has always been part of American culture, romanticized in film as a game played by outlaws. It was often used as a metaphor of good vs. evil, with the good coming away victorious, even if it meant cheating.

With that in mind, a look at the best of poker in the cinema. Please remember there are many, many films which could be included that I left out in the interest of time. But feel free to add your own in the comments section.

Rounders

One of the films that really helped to jump-start Texas Hold 'Em as a game people wanted to play. The film is entirely about poker, and has John Malkovich in a classic role as Russian mobster Teddy KGB. Though made in 1998, it seems dated today only because of the increased popularity of poker. Two lines that exemplify this are spoken by Mike McDermott (Matt Damon): "Why do you think the same five guys make it to the final table of the World Series of Poker EVERY YEAR? What, are they the luckiest guys in Las Vegas?" and "First prize at the World Series of Poker is a million bucks. Does it have my name on it? I don't know. But, I'm gonna find out." Still, this film is full of great poker lines:

- Mike McDermott: "Listen, here's the thing. If you can't spot the sucker in the first half hour at the table, then you ARE the sucker."

- Mike McDermott: "It's immoral to let a sucker keep his money."

- Worm: "Hey! If you want to see this seventh card you're gonna stop speakin' fuckin' Sputnik."

- Teddy KGB: "Mr. Son of a bitch, let's play some cards!"

- Teddy KGB: "Pay him ... Pay that man his money."

Tombstone

In one of the best westerns ever made, Doc Holliday (Val Kilmer) is a cheating, drunk, ill gambler, and an ace poker player. Wyatt Earp (Kurt Russell) is his friend and owner of a saloon where he is a card dealer. Gambling is a central theme in the film, in ways other than just a card game. Great lines include:

- Ike Clanton: "What is that, Holliday? Twelve hands in a row? Ain't nobody that lucky."
- Doc Holliday: "Why Ike, whatever do you mean? Maybe poker's just not your game. I know! Let's have a spelling contest!"

- Johnny Ringo: "Isn't anyone here man enough to play for blood?"
- Doc Holliday: "I'm your huckleberry."

Casino Royale

You can argue which version is better, but for these purposes, we'll use the 2006 version. Bond (Daniel Craig) is doing his thing, capturing and killing terrorists with aplomb, and at the center of it all is a high-stakes poker game, which Bond competes in because, well, what isn't 007 good at? Casino Royale quotes:

- Felix Leiter: Listen, I'm bleeding chips. I'm not going to last much longer. You have a better chance. I'll stake you. I'm saying I'll give you the money to keep going. Just one thing: you pull it off, the CIA bring him in.
- James Bond: What about the winnings?
- Felix Leiter: Does it look like we need the money?

- James Bond: I'm sorry. That last hand... it nearly killed me

Maverick

A goofy, entertaining comedy that is all about one huge poker game to take place on a Mississippi River boat. Maverick (Mel Gibson) is supposedly the greatest gambler there is, and he figures he can beat the game to claim the huge cash prize. Among the best lines:

- Maverick: It's just a pair of sixes. If you can beat that you got me licked, and that's not a totally unpleasant prospect.

- Maverick: Well, now, I bring all sorts of plusses to the table. I hardly ever bluff and I never ever cheat.

- Annabelle: How'd you know I was bluffing? I didn't do any of my tells. I didn't shuffle my cards, I didn't pull my hair, I didn't even flick my teeth.
- Maverick: You held your breath. If you'd been excited, you would have started breathing harder.

The Sting

Arguably one of the best films ever made, it won 7 Oscars in 1974, including Best Picture, and was nominated for 3 others. It would not be right to give too much away for those who have not seen it, but it centers on an elaborate con job involving many angles, including a poker scene in the payoff. A fantastic script included some memorable lines:

- Luther: How much did you lose?
- Johnny Hooker: All of it.
- Luther: In one damn night? What are you spraying money around like that for, you could've been nailed.
- Johnny Hooker: I checked the place first. There were no dicks in there.
- Luther: But you're a con man! And you blew it like a pimp!

- Floyd: Doyle, I KNOW I gave him four THREES. He had to make a SWITCH. We can't let him get away with that.
- Doyle Lonnegan: What was I supposed to do - call him for cheating better than me, in front of the others?

- Henry Gondorff: Tough luck, Lonnehan. But that's what you get for playing with your head up your ass!

- Doyle Lonnegan: Your boss is quite a card player, Mr. Kelly; how does he do it?
- Johnny Hooker: He cheats.

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

An extraordinary film that didn't get near the publicity it's sequel, Snatch did, the film is about four guys in London who pooled their money to let one guy in their crew play a high stakes poker game. The game turns out to be crooked, and they owe a lot of money in a short period of time to a guy named "Hatchet Harry." Needlesss to say, they must figure out a way to pay it back, or risk losing limbs. Quotes from Lock Stock:

- Bacon: Harry didn't think that he did a very good job, so he grabbed the nearest thing to hand, which just so happened to be a 15 inch black rubber cock, and proceeded to beat poor old Smithy to death with. And that was seen as a nice way to go. Now, that, is why you pay Hatchet Harry, when you owe.

- Barry the Baptist: When you dance with the devil, you wait for the song to stop.

- Don: I'll fold.
- Phil: Fold? Is that the only word you learnt at school?
- Don: No, I also learned the word cunt!

- Eddie: That's quite a raise. That's 150 on my 100.
- Hatchet Harry: Yeah. And is there anything else you want to say?

2 Comments:

Sooze said...

First of all, are you joking me?! Tombstone is my #1 favorite movie of ALL TIME. Wow. Then, I love Rounders the second-most. I'm so playing cards tonight.

Kyle Smith said...

Doc Holliday is my favorite movie character of all-time. It's not even close.

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